The Three Dumbest Types of People, as far as using a computer is concerned.

3 - White Trash.

"Hey man, I got this same virus again! Can you guys cut me a deal this time? I really, really can't afford to keep bringing in my computer for the same bleeping virus every week!"

Hells no! Can a heroine addict count on a price cut just because he or she needs two fixes a day now instead of one? Stop looking at porn, stop downloading illegal files, stop clicking on every silly advertisement you see while doing said activities, and you just might be ok. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

2 - Dentists.

The worst thing about a dentist using a computer, or Lords of Kobol forbid, a network of computers, is that they think that just because they went to dental school, they actually have a fully functional brain. In fact, dentists have significant amounts of brain damage to the key memory forming parts of their brain, specifically the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex and hippocampus. They honestly are incapable of remembering how to solve the simplest of problems. For instance, I do work for half a dozen dentists, and not a single one of them can remember how to delete their temporary internet files, yet they call and ask me how to do it almost every single month. C'mon, it's not that hard to remember. We're talking 5 mouse clicks. And then, out of nowhere, one of the dentists will try to reformat his hard drive and call me when they can't figure out how to install Windows. How many times have I told them not to do that? I honestly don't know. I do know that I am constantly impressed by their rather impressive lack of memory function. I just hope these "doctors" actually remember their dental procedures...

1 - Contractors

In my experience, and remember that I only ever talk to contractors when they are having computer problems, contractors are about as intelligent as the average swine.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if every contractor in the greater O-Town area was capable of listening to more than three words at a time. Maybe.

Take the fine owner of "Stupidline Industries," who called the other day.

I said "How may I..."

He interrupted "How do I backup my QuickBooks file to a flash drive to give to my accountant?"

"Ok, have you..."

"And now, this is only going to include stuff from 2009, right?"

"That depends on..."

"It's not working. I've been trying for an hour now, but I can't see how to do it."

"Ok, follow these..."

"Wait, I'm seeing something on my screen now that wasn't there before. What is it?"

Is this a fraking guessing game? How the heck am I supposed to know what just appeared on your screen? Honestly, do you really think, in that puny, I-can't-believe-it-can-actually-support-life brain of yours, that I know exactly what is appearing on YOUR screen right this minute? *sight... Ok... But you have to give me a hint first.

(The above phone call happened not two hours after the one below. I've changed the names of the people and the company for comic effect.)

"This is Matt, how may I help you?"

"Hi Matt, it's 80 here, you know, as in my IQ. Listen, I've got something really weird going on down here."

"Ok, what is going on?"

"There is this funny icon at the bottom of my screen. It looks like a castle with a flag."

"Uh huh..."

"Well, it used to be green, but now it's orange!"

"Ok, well, if you remember, that icon represents your anti-virus software. Have you tried double clicking on it? No? Ok, do that and tell me what it says."

"It say's I need to click this button to do an update."

"Ok, go ahead now and click the button for me."

"K... ooohhh. Now it's green again. Does this mean I'm ok?"

"Sure does..."

NOT