4 Stupid Phrases I’ve Recently Heard at Work

1- “We need to get on our horse and go!” Said LG (the boss) nonchalantly, yet full of energy as he walked past my co-worker and I one weekday morning moments after arriving to work. The phrase hung in the air cold and alone as LG continued walking by. In my head (as I have learned better than to voice questions that might elicit undesired explanations), I questioned. Yes, boss? I might need a little help understanding this one. Boss? Care to elaborate? Boss? Do we have a horse we need to get on? Boss? Boss?

2- “I also need to have at least 4 gigawatts of RAM.” Said the fifty year old man with the mind of an octogenarian. This strange requirement followed a nearly fifteen minute explanation as to why his new computer would need a fast processor and the internet. It was followed by another thirty minutes of explaining why he needed a five hundred megabyte hard drive to store his vast collection of pictures and a video card so that he could do his genealogy. Sometimes I correct people when they use incorrect terminology. Other times I think about blogging.

3- In the would-be-spoken words of Captain Jean luc Picard, the not-so-captain of any intergalactic starship spoke commandingly to his computer via one newly installed speak-to-type program “Computer, please open my word processing program.” A few moments passed by with no results. “Computer, computer?” Oh boy.

4- “Do we have the um… thing ready for… um… what’s his nuts?” Another LG statement. It was made about ten times better when he stood there, completely expecting me to understand and respond to his question.

I wish I could have made this a list of five, but it's late and for the life of me I cannot remember anything else, even though I am more than certain there are more.