The Fates Conspire

“In other news: Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos were bored to tears forty eight hours ago when they decided to meddle in the life of Sephian, once again. According to our sources, the fates chose Sephian randomly, although verifiable evidence to support that theory is thus far unavailable. But the reason for his choosing is not nearly as important as the effect of the meddling. Footage has also been released to this news station which reveals the Fates fatefully laughing, even to tears, in the privacy of their Los Angeles penthouse. More details at eleven.”

Yes, it is true. The Fates conspired against me once again for their own pitiful pleasure. Can’t say I blame them. If you look down to my previous blog entry entitled 2big2move, you will read a now incorrect statement. It says, “I have never met the very large lady in the following story.” Oh how I wish I could still say that!

As it happened, 2big2move found more problems with her computer once she had it back. She called me and asked what needed to be done to fix ALL of her newfound problems. I told her that if we formatted the hard drive and re-installed Winblows, things would be as good as new. Then she went and made the unfortunate request that once I was finished with the machine, I come out to her house and set everything up and make sure it works. So, I did. Now, I have been on some unpleasant service calls in my day, but usually they are unpleasant because things don’t go smoothly. This visit, however, was just wrong! In fact, it was wrong on five different levels that I have counted so far. Allow me to elaborate.

First, it was wrong on the physical level. To begin, 2big2move really is 2big2move. In all, I saw her take maybe five steps, and I thought she might have a heart attack. Next, the structure of the house looked like it was designed by an eleven year old Sephian, which is great, if you’re building a tree house. Also, if spending one day in the polluted air of Sao Paulo can be compared to smoking a pack of cigarettes (and I’ve heard that comparison made), then spending an hour in 2big2move’s house would be like smoking one cigarette.

Second, it was wrong on the emotional level. There was nothing happy about that place. The walls were painted with depressing colors that were faded and peeling. Stains decorated all of the walls, floors and appliances. 2big2move also never smiled. Neither did her son, who is large, but can still move. I figure the house had a -20 happy curse.

Third, it was wrong on the linguistic level. While I worked on the computer, 2big2move and her son watched an episode of Mash. At some point during the scene, Clinger was told to stop fraternizing with Hawkeye. Shortly after, 2big2move’s son asked what it meant to fraternize. Her response, after about fifteen seconds of hard thought, was “um, it means like to pull pranks on people.” Wrong. Sorry.

Fourth, it was wrong on the spiritual level. Let’s just say the Holy Ghost waited for me at the door.

Fifth, it was wrong on the olfactoric level. The dictionary doesn’t think that “olfactoric” is a word. I disagree. It should be, at any rate. Anyway, the place stunk nearly as bad as her computer. Breathing was disagreeable. To know how bad her computer stunk, and make a comparison, either read my last blog or visit a Favela in Sao Paulo.