Joss Whedon is my Master. Visit the link, if you haven't already, thank me later.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/28343/dr-horribles-sing-along-blog
My son, the Hero of the Blizzard
13 years ago
30 July 2008
29 July 2008
The Fates Conspire
“In other news: Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos were bored to tears forty eight hours ago when they decided to meddle in the life of Sephian, once again. According to our sources, the fates chose Sephian randomly, although verifiable evidence to support that theory is thus far unavailable. But the reason for his choosing is not nearly as important as the effect of the meddling. Footage has also been released to this news station which reveals the Fates fatefully laughing, even to tears, in the privacy of their Los Angeles penthouse. More details at eleven.”
Yes, it is true. The Fates conspired against me once again for their own pitiful pleasure. Can’t say I blame them. If you look down to my previous blog entry entitled 2big2move, you will read a now incorrect statement. It says, “I have never met the very large lady in the following story.” Oh how I wish I could still say that!
As it happened, 2big2move found more problems with her computer once she had it back. She called me and asked what needed to be done to fix ALL of her newfound problems. I told her that if we formatted the hard drive and re-installed Winblows, things would be as good as new. Then she went and made the unfortunate request that once I was finished with the machine, I come out to her house and set everything up and make sure it works. So, I did. Now, I have been on some unpleasant service calls in my day, but usually they are unpleasant because things don’t go smoothly. This visit, however, was just wrong! In fact, it was wrong on five different levels that I have counted so far. Allow me to elaborate.
First, it was wrong on the physical level. To begin, 2big2move really is 2big2move. In all, I saw her take maybe five steps, and I thought she might have a heart attack. Next, the structure of the house looked like it was designed by an eleven year old Sephian, which is great, if you’re building a tree house. Also, if spending one day in the polluted air of Sao Paulo can be compared to smoking a pack of cigarettes (and I’ve heard that comparison made), then spending an hour in 2big2move’s house would be like smoking one cigarette.
Second, it was wrong on the emotional level. There was nothing happy about that place. The walls were painted with depressing colors that were faded and peeling. Stains decorated all of the walls, floors and appliances. 2big2move also never smiled. Neither did her son, who is large, but can still move. I figure the house had a -20 happy curse.
Third, it was wrong on the linguistic level. While I worked on the computer, 2big2move and her son watched an episode of Mash. At some point during the scene, Clinger was told to stop fraternizing with Hawkeye. Shortly after, 2big2move’s son asked what it meant to fraternize. Her response, after about fifteen seconds of hard thought, was “um, it means like to pull pranks on people.” Wrong. Sorry.
Fourth, it was wrong on the spiritual level. Let’s just say the Holy Ghost waited for me at the door.
Fifth, it was wrong on the olfactoric level. The dictionary doesn’t think that “olfactoric” is a word. I disagree. It should be, at any rate. Anyway, the place stunk nearly as bad as her computer. Breathing was disagreeable. To know how bad her computer stunk, and make a comparison, either read my last blog or visit a Favela in Sao Paulo.
Yes, it is true. The Fates conspired against me once again for their own pitiful pleasure. Can’t say I blame them. If you look down to my previous blog entry entitled 2big2move, you will read a now incorrect statement. It says, “I have never met the very large lady in the following story.” Oh how I wish I could still say that!
As it happened, 2big2move found more problems with her computer once she had it back. She called me and asked what needed to be done to fix ALL of her newfound problems. I told her that if we formatted the hard drive and re-installed Winblows, things would be as good as new. Then she went and made the unfortunate request that once I was finished with the machine, I come out to her house and set everything up and make sure it works. So, I did. Now, I have been on some unpleasant service calls in my day, but usually they are unpleasant because things don’t go smoothly. This visit, however, was just wrong! In fact, it was wrong on five different levels that I have counted so far. Allow me to elaborate.
First, it was wrong on the physical level. To begin, 2big2move really is 2big2move. In all, I saw her take maybe five steps, and I thought she might have a heart attack. Next, the structure of the house looked like it was designed by an eleven year old Sephian, which is great, if you’re building a tree house. Also, if spending one day in the polluted air of Sao Paulo can be compared to smoking a pack of cigarettes (and I’ve heard that comparison made), then spending an hour in 2big2move’s house would be like smoking one cigarette.
Second, it was wrong on the emotional level. There was nothing happy about that place. The walls were painted with depressing colors that were faded and peeling. Stains decorated all of the walls, floors and appliances. 2big2move also never smiled. Neither did her son, who is large, but can still move. I figure the house had a -20 happy curse.
Third, it was wrong on the linguistic level. While I worked on the computer, 2big2move and her son watched an episode of Mash. At some point during the scene, Clinger was told to stop fraternizing with Hawkeye. Shortly after, 2big2move’s son asked what it meant to fraternize. Her response, after about fifteen seconds of hard thought, was “um, it means like to pull pranks on people.” Wrong. Sorry.
Fourth, it was wrong on the spiritual level. Let’s just say the Holy Ghost waited for me at the door.
Fifth, it was wrong on the olfactoric level. The dictionary doesn’t think that “olfactoric” is a word. I disagree. It should be, at any rate. Anyway, the place stunk nearly as bad as her computer. Breathing was disagreeable. To know how bad her computer stunk, and make a comparison, either read my last blog or visit a Favela in Sao Paulo.
22 July 2008
2big2move
I have never met the very large lady in the following story. Thank George Lucas!
It all began when a disgustingly dressed, putrid smoke smelling, bearded beast of a man brought an equally disgusting computer into the shop for repair. The beast explained in his primitive form of communication that the computer belonged to his wife, who was physically unable to leave the house. I didn’t inquire further. (I would discover soon after that a fellow technician had actually been to the lady’s house for a service call and would describe her as nothing less than GINORMOUS!) I instead asked what was wrong with the computer. He replied with a grunt and a shrug of the shoulders and handed me a piece of paper. I then understood that the immobile lady had written me a huge laundry list of things that were wrong with the machine. She also had taken the time to write that she needed the computer back ASAP. The beast then left, to my great nasal relief, and I took the machine to the back.
Now, if you’ve never smelt the inside of a smoker’s computer, consider yourself blessed. It is quite possibly the worst smell on the planet. It rivals the smell of an entire communities’ week old garbage piled high in the favella’s of Sao Paulo. The computer the beast left was as bad as they come.
After cleaning approximately five metric tons of yellow mutant dust from the inside of the case and a few intense hours of fixing the listed problems one by one, I believed the repairs were complete. Since this lady had been calling me for updates about her computer every hour, I was excited to call her and tell her it was done. Surely that would be the last time I would have to talk to her, she being as impossibly annoying and impatient as she is apparently large.
Not five seconds after hanging up the phone, she called back and proved to me that she is not only impossibly annoying and impatient, but stupid as well.
She started, “Oh, I remembered something I need to you test out for me. It’s really important that this works right.”
I responded with a depressed “Sure, no problem. What is it?”
She continued, “I need you to go to www.[someadultchatsite].com and make sure it lets me in. It was acting all weird before and I need to get back in.”
It was all I could do to refrain from laughing out loud! Apparently she is too large to provide for her desires in the real world, so she takes her biznass to the virtual one. I told her I would test the chat room and call her back. I went back to her machine, disabled graphics in the web browser, and logged in to the chat room. It worked, and I was surprised to see that of the dozens of people logged in to the chat, no one seemed interested in talking about The Dark Knight with me. Sad. I called her back, told her the good news, and beast man should be back any time now to take it back.
The moral of the story is triple-fold. First, don’t allow yourself to become “2big2move.” Second, don’t smoke next to your computer. And third, never, ever, ever, ever ask someone else to make sure that your adult websites are working properly. I mean, c’mon, don’t people realize that some people blog about such things?
08 July 2008
Place Holder
I've been trying to finish some entries recently, but I've been super busy and can't seem to get them done. Yesterday, while I was working on one of those blog entries at work, an exxxxtremely large woman came into the shop. It was disgusting and sad all rolled up into one giant emotion for me. Just a few hours after that, I stumbled upon this video from a very reputable news source. Take a look.
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